Car Jokes and Puns that Will Make You Want to Get Audi Here
Life can be a bit too serious sometimes, and we all could do with a bit of laughter. Without further ado, I’ve scoured the internet to bring you some really good (or bad, depending on your perspective) car jokes and puns that will either make you facepalm really hard or laugh your socks off. Note that all jokes are in fun and no offense is intended, and I take no credit for any of these jokes. Here we go!
Some ancient wisdom:
Source: https://i.imgflip.com/52hqj.jpg?a418128
Confucius say “Man who run in front of car get tired, man who run behind car get exhausted.”
The necessary football one
Why can’t cars play football? ..Because they only have one boot!
Chicks and cars?
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because with 4, it would be a chicken sedan.
What about fish?
Two fish are sitting in tank. One looks at the other and says “You man the guns, I’ll drive!”
It flies!
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
Take a right at that fork.
Source: https://fi9hi8t504-flywheel.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/Fork-stuck-in-road.jpg
I was walking down the street today when tow truck driver pulled up alongside me and said, “Excuse me, I’m looking for the accident site involving a van carrying a load of cutlery.”
“No problem,” I said. “Go straight down this road for 1 mile, then take the first left, and when you get to the fork in the road you’re there.”
Driving at the speed limit
Source: http://i.imgur.com/MnHZf.jpg
A police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 km/h. He thinks to himself “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are four old ladies — the three passengers are wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
The officer replies, “Ma’am, you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving much slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two kilometers an hour!” The old woman says, pointing to a sign next to the road.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that the sign was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? Your passengers seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”
How to avoid a speeding ticket
A cop pulls a car over for speeding.
Cop: “Sir, do you know you were doing 110 km/h in a 90km/h zone?”
Driver: “Yes! I’m sorry, but that’s because I was racing another car and lost track of the speed.”
Since he did not see any car besides that, the cop asks – “Sir, have you been drinking?”
Driver: “A little bit of whisky, but just because I needed something to wash down the LSD I took at a party!”
Cop: “LSD? Sir, I need you to step out of the car! Is there anything else I need to know? Other drugs, firearms?”
Driver: “Sure! There is at least 5 pounds of cocaine in my glove department and an AK-47 under my seat! But please, don’t open the boot, or the person I just kidnapped will escape!”
The cop, not believing what he heard and a little afraid, called his superior!
At his arrival, the cop told the Sheriff all that had happened. The Sheriff told the cop to wait by his car and goes to speak with the driver:
Sheriff: “Sir, my subordinate tells me you have a kidnapped person in your trunk!”
Driver opens the trunk: “As you can see, there’s no one here, but my jack and spare tire”
Sheriff: “What about the gun under your seat?”
Driver pulling his seat forward: “There’s no such thing here, just an umbrella!!”
Sheriff: “I see! And the cocaine in your glove compartment”
Driver opens the glove compartment: “You must be kidding me! Only my registration’s there!”
Sheriff: “Have you been drinking or engaging in any kind of drugs?”
Driver: “Sir, I don’t smoke cigarettes, don’t even drink soda! I’ve been at home all night with my mom and she's the most fervently religious woman you never know! That cop over there must be pulling your leg you! Did he tell you I was drunk, took drugs, was armed and a drug dealer, and had kidnapped someone? What else? That I was speeding too?”
And that’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed!